Away from home

I'm realy only reposting this from my Myspace to remind myself of how I felt back there at that particular time...this blog is bitter sweet to read. I read it and think of how it was and I also think...just to be living back home would be friggin great. Oh well, I know it'll happen again and hope that's soon!

Originally named:
Moving....

I'm giving up and I'm kind of disappointed with myself, but it's either that or literally jump of a cliff (I almost did the other day!) I'm moving back to Texas...Jim is on his way here as I type this and we'll be leaving in a few days. It was a spur of the moment thing because I can't take it anymore. I thought I was going to get this nanny job, but I've heard nothing and It really depresses me how I've had 3 interviews and no call backs, I've applied to west corp., Omaha public school, kids club, payless, Ashley Lynns, DSW, I've put my resume on monster.com and omahahelpwanted.com and I haven't heard anything. Its becoming overwhelming how I cant even get a job to take care of just my daughter and me. I feel I've done all I can do with an empty tank of gas and trying to stretch out the use of diapers. Being cooped up in the house all day is driving me nuts. I'm spending way too much time with Hailey and she is driving me crazy. I find my self loosing my temper at her, when she's only a baby and then I absolutely hate myself for it...thus bring me to think I’m a horrible mother who can’t get a job and can't stand her own kid sometimes. Jim tells me he's changed and I hope he can prove that to me. I hope with us being down there with his supportive family helping us out and...well supporting us, that we'll be a little happier and then eventually a lot happier. Housing down there is less expensive so I'm not expecting to live with his mom for a very long time. I'm hoping I have a better chance of getting a job down there. I'm not having any luck here so I guess trying something different is the best option. I know I've disappointed a lot of people and I hate hate hate taking Hailey away from my family, but we are taking her to her other family who loves her just as much and we will eventually move back...I don't plan on living there forever. I know I'll get home sick. I'm scared to move, but I'm also terrified of trying to live here the way I've been living for any longer. I'm definitely not as strong as I thought I was.